you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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