Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize