I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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