I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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