i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
