Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
