Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
