I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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