Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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