trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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