No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it's great music for shaving your balls
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Even my vagina gasped.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
