You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize