i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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