i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
They have beer where we have blood.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize