Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
