she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You pole danced in your parka.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
