I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize