My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
