i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
