So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize