Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
