Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
