i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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