I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
