im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
