Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
