The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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