Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
this hospital has no fireball
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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