My room smells like vodka and shame
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
