How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
