Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize