"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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