I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
