hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
