Say something about gay babies.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
