I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
