I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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