and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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