i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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