Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
