Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize