uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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