what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
