drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
