I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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