There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
