I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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