I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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