It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
