The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
