I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
