The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
