I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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