I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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