You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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