I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize