ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
