dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
