he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
