She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Who died my cat blue again?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize