I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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