I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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