Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
