HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
