I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
