trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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