There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
