Life is so much better after having sex.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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