I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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