Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
