I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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