I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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