remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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