I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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