Your dad touched me again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
