I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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