Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And then my night got REAL pukey
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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