I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
