what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
