I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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