I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm sobbing to NWA
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
