his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
