She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
