Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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