It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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