Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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