Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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