oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
