my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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