No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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