stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
