How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
