I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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