and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
