wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
